i looked around and thought i recognized him. not the best angle. but i'm pretty sure it's him. so the familiar figure caught your stare. looks back at you across the stream of faces. looks intently at you coldly, for a matter of seconds and you feel a sort of reconnection with him. and then the line severs. so he turns back, pretending that he doesn't know you. but so do you. and you both figured that it be best you both dont say a word. least there be nothing at all to say. old friends that died from there on.

a similar encounter happened to me and now i cant even remember for the life of me who that face belonged to. but nonetheless, nothing beyond the starings happened. and we forget that encounter and not the face. getting on with the rest of the day like we need to. perhaps we dont really feel the need to reestablish anything. maybe its just plain better that you and i move on. never really looking back. our backs to the sun. our old clothes left by the side of the road. and your skin tucked away amidst the tall grass.

look at me and tell me that it's been long overdue.

thinking about it, i am suddenly offered my own memories of saturday night. the truths we hear of friends may shock us because we havent been always connected to them, hence parts of them on confession nights scares us. but what exactly scares you? the thought of his deeds? or the thought of you never believing him capable of doing such a thing? what now then?

come on. come on. shed your skin.

but if i shed my skin, will you still remember me for the old me? or am i supposed to forget about the old me too?

will they still love me in the morning when i wake up with another stranger in bed? two strangers staring at me.

and one of them whose eyes i gazed deep. only to have him turn his back to me.

i didnt write this on a sunday morning. its just that its a sort of reflection of sorts for the past week. the kinda morning you wake up to, after your saturday night fevers.

i survived the five days. i supposed in some way, i got initiated into the faculty. i met good people. i lost a lot of sleep. and i am dead tired. 

it's not entirely the sort of physical exhaustion but rather like you are tired of having need to say hi and all the countless introductions you have to make about yourself. statements.

anyway dont get me wrong. its not like i didnt enjoy arts camp at all. but maybe i just wasn't really that captivated by it. the wonderful cheers could get my spirits lifted in the morning despite my complaining body. but i think i just wasn't that connected in any way with my og. thats not to say these werent nice people too. just not the kind i'd really enjoy hanging out with. the lack of common interests and stuff. plus, i almost had the feeling like these guys were almost uniformal. it's either econs majprs or psych majors. and they were really the typical kind of males. those that prob gym quite a bit. likes sports. a bit of the alpha male. slightly boring. well i could go on but in the end, they are all nice but in truth they really arent the people i see myself hanging with often for a year, not to say the least three academic years. and that was probably the reason why i didnt bother to really open up and talk about myself. i hang around for five days. got through it. go out. and i dont think, if given a chance, i'd never want to go through it again!

well thats about it. my mind's spinning with many thoughts about it. but i think i'd end it as it is. a better post some other time then.

past midnight.
the bulb goes on burning inside.  

so i missed the exhibition today. and hopefully, i'll get another go at steve mccurry's works after the arts camp this weekend.

in any case, i found myself going through books at the library before tuition. i picked up one that was a collection of photos from five singaporean photographers giving their input and views of the universal human experience.

and in that book, i saw a quote that rippled in my head. of course, i cant remember the whole thing word for word, so the following is my own take of it in its most quintessential.

the pictures that you take represents your own perception of humanity which portray objectively and subjectively matters that are important to you. what price would you put on that?

and ultimately this quote from steichen:

Photography is a major force in explaining man to man.

reading through the books help me understand that in looking through another's photos, we seek not only to learn from their visual perceptions of their subjects but also, to learn what went through their heads before they hit the shutter.

till i buy my developing kit then.